Love
by SSMcPriceley
Summary: McPriceley. A mixed bag of angsty, fluffly, hurt/comfort, humour one shots based on love poems.
1. Chapter 1

**Heart, let him go, for nought I do can move him.**

**Though me he hates, I cannot choose but love him.**

* * *

"Kevin!"

The door slammed leaving Connor's shout echoing around his room. His footsteps could be heard running down the corridor and then fading.

Connor slumped onto his bed rubbing his arms thinking furiously. He thought what he'd seen over the past few days in Kevin meant something. He realised now that he was wrong.

Kevin didn't want him and his hands burned in guilt from where he'd put them where they shouldn't have been.

"Elder McKinley? Can I talk to you?" Kevin had said to him, peeking his head round his office door. Connor looked up from some paper work, catching his breath and urging himself not to blush as he saw who it was.

"Of course." Connor got up and gestured to a chair next to him.

"Thanks." Kevin fiddled with his tie nervously.

"What's the matter?"

"I've just…I've just been feeling a bit confused."

Connor's heart missed a beat. Could it be? Elder Price? He'd thought, maybe, he'd hoped, but…

"Confused?" His voice sounded weak so he repeated with more conviction, "Confused about what?"

Kevin looked up and Connor felt the edges of his heart cave in as their eyes met.

"I just…"

Connor moved his chair closer to Kevin and placed a hand on his shoulder. The intent was to reassure but it felt awkward. This was what district leaders were meant to do right? Then why did it feel so heightened, so intense?

"I understand." Connor watched his hand move in circles on Kevin's back but it didn't feel like he was controlling it.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I'm confused about a lot of things."

"I'm just confused about what I want."

"And what do you want?" Connor slipped his arm over Kevin's shoulder, down his forearm, his mind struggling to blot out how his fingertips prickled as they brushed against his skin, and onto Kevin's hand.

"I want to know where I'm going, who I am, ugh so many things." Connor's hand fell limply as Kevin took his out from under it and began soothing his temples.

Connor took the opportunity to replace his hand on Kevin's knee.

"I think I can help you."

"Anything, I'd love anything."

Connor smiled his brain now working in a rose tinted slow motion. 'Kevin wants this' his warped mind told him, 'Kevin's trying to tell you he's like you.'

Connor's hand crept further up Kevin's leg. Kevin was so involved in his own thoughts that he didn't notice it until it was dangerously too close. Connor began steadily stroking Kevin's thigh. Kevin's gaze was suddenly fixed on it, a look of alarm on his face. He looked to Connor, then back to his hand unsure of what to do.

He jumped back, the chair skidding away across the floor behind him. His hands were raised in front of him, a moment caught in suspension as Connor's eyes followed him upwards.

"What are you doing?" He stuttered.

"I thought…sorry…"

"You thought what?"

"That you…that you were…?"

Kevin shook his head backing away from Connor, stomach churning. A quick glance to the door and back to Connor before he bolted through it.

"Kevin!"


	2. Chapter 2

**It cannot be,**

**That thou lov'st me, as thou say'st,**

**If in thine my life thou waste,**

**Thou art the best of me.**

* * *

"You love me don't you?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

"Just checking." Connor blushed and gathered more duvet to cover him. Kevin scooched toward him in the bed so close their noses touched.

"You don't need to check," Kevin said softly, "If you do then it means I should tell you more often."

Connor close his eyes and sighed, his hand instinctively reached for Kevin's beneath the sheets.

"I'm not holding you back am I?"

"What? No no." Kevin looked in surprise at his boyfriend's now slightly pained face.

"Just checking."

"Well stop checking." Kevin raised a hand to Connor's face to gently stroke some stray strands of hair away.

"This is what I want, but if it's not what you want, please tell me."

"Connor, you're all I want."

"Just checking."

"Shhh." Kevin put a finger to Connor's lips, holding it for a few seconds while looking him straight in the eyes before replacing the it with his own lips.


	3. Chapter 3

**If your lips, which I have loved,**

**Should touch another's.**

**Your strong fingers clutch his heart. **

**If on another's face your sweet hair lay.**

* * *

"Connor? Is that you?"

"You waited up?" Connor paused as he crossed the threshold, key in hand, jacket pulled tight.

"It's so late."

"I had to do some overtime."

"It's almost tomorrow."

"I'm sorry ok? Is this an interrogation?"

Connor threw his coat onto a peg with ferocity before dumping his briefcase on the sofa.

"I'm going to bed." He yawned sparing a brief glance to Kevin and heading to the stairs.

"Don't you want to talk for a bit?"

"I'm tired, and as you said, it's almost tomorrow."

Kevin bit his lip as he watched Connor disappear onto the landing.

"Honey?" He called up just before his back vanished.

"What?" Connor spun round. Kevin didn't say anything. Connor prompted him with a raise of his eyebrows with expectant expression. Still Kevin couldn't think of anything to say. Finally Connor broke the silence.

"I'm not cheating. If you think I am then, well, I'm not."

With that he turned on his heel and headed towards the bedroom without a backward glance.

"You said it." Kevin murmured under his breath, "You said it. Not me."


	4. Chapter 4

**How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.**

* * *

"Number one: your smile."

"Stop Kevin this is silly."

"There it is! There it is! God I love that smile."

Connor couldn't suppress his giggles as he watched his boyfriend kneeling on the edge of their bed, himself lying back on the pillows.

"Number two: your hair." He leant across the bed and ran his hands through it despite Connor's protests.

"It's just so soft and what colour is it? Who knows?"

"It's red."

"Whatever you say. Number three: your nose."

"You're already running out of ideas at number three?"

"What?"

"My nose? Seriously? That's a last resort."

Kevin placed a kiss on the end of Connor's nose.

"I just love your nose ok?"

"Fine, if you say so."

"Number four: your chest."

He ran his hands over Connor's shoulders and across his chest.

"Don't ever stop dancing, I never want to lose this."

"How many of these are there going to be?"

"Just five."

"You only like five things about me?"

Kevin rolled his eyes and leaned in to join their lips together.

"Well what is it?"

"I'll show you." Kevin breathed down Connor's neck and began trailing his tongue down his chest until he was level with Connor's thighs.

"Number five…"


	5. Chapter 5

**If these delights thy mind may move,**

**Then live with me and be my love.**

* * *

"I'm not sure."

"Come on, you can't keep walking twenty blocks just to see me anymore."

Kevin scratched the back of his neck. This wasn't just Connor asking him to stay in the morning instead of rushing off. This was Connor asking him to stay forever.

"You practically live here anyway," Connor continued, "You even keep your fish here."

That was true. Kevin had brought Ariel to Connor's apartment early on in their relationship. But it was only because he always forgot to feed it and Connor never did.

"I like my place, it's right above my hairdressers and the disney store is opposite."

"What about me?"

Kevin knew that card would be played but he didn't have anything prepared for it.

"Why don't you move in with me?"

"My place is bigger."

"Will anything change?"

"A few things," Connor thought for a moment, "You might find that some of your hideous jumpers go missing, you'll have breakfast in bed more often, we might argue a little bit more, and we'll probably have more sex."

"What was that last one?"

"Sex Kevin." The corners of Connor's mouth twitched, he knew this was the winning point, "Lots and lots of sex."

"When can I move in?"


	6. Chapter 6

**If I should meet thee**

**After long years,**

**How should I greet thee?**

**With silence and tears.**

* * *

Kevin punched the number, into the stiff keys, taking the old and battered phone from where it dangled on the wire. He prayed it worked. It looked like it had been chewed through.

He relaxed as he heard the rings then tensed as he realised who was going to answer. While he waited he glanced around the airport waiting room, anxiously tapping the wall and biting his lip.

"Hello?"

"C-Connor?"

There was a long silence as Kevin listened to the sound of static suddenly amplified. They both could hear the other breathing but neither of them knew what to say.

"Kevin? Is that you?"

It was a pointless question to ask and he realised as soon as he said it. He knew it was Kevin.

"Yeah it's me. I'm coming home. I'm coming to see you." His voice cracked and he took a deep breath in, saving himself from pouring out everything he wanted to say. He glanced around at the other people in the waiting room, none of whom had looked up.

"How long?"

"The flight's ten hours, then I land in JFK."

"I'll be there."

There was so much they needed to say and so much they wondered if they'd have the courage to. Kevin knew he couldn't leave it all until they were face to face.

"We are currently boarding passengers on this Ugandan Airways flight to New York."

"That's my flight Con, I have to go."

And suddenly Kevin felt he couldn't stop himself, the words tried to come out in a flood.

"I've missed you, I've missed you so much and I don't know how I've-"

"Shhh."

"What?"

"Save it Kev. Save it for when I can look into your eyes as you say it."

"I love you." His voice was so quiet, his eyes now blurry.

"Love you too. Now quick get on that plane so I can see you quicker."

"I love you."

"You've said that Kev."

"I just need you to know."

"I do. Now hang up."

And Kevin did right there and then because he didn't need to say goodbye to Connor. He'd had to say that six months ago and it had been painful. He didn't need to say goodbye because he wasn't leaving, he was going home.


	7. Chapter 7

**I no longer love him, that's certain, but maybe I love him.**

**Love is so short, forgetting is so long.**

* * *

It was a cold christmas eve, many people rushing to and fro with armfuls of late shopping. Nobody spared a second glance to anyone around them, the crowds poured over each other with complete disregard for personal space.

As one man walked down the sidewalk hands plunged deep in his pockets, another came from the opposite direction hands full of parcels. One man scowled at the passers by, enjoying their christmas, happiness that he felt entitled to. The other smiled at the brightness of the city, grinning inwardly at the thought of opening the gifts he was laden with.

Kevin and Connor had collided before and on that brisk winter's morning they would again.

"Sorry!"

"Oh God are you ok?"

"I didn't see you."

"My fault."

"Are you alright?"

"Connor?"

"Kevin?"

The packages on the floor were suddenly forgotten, the man before each of them now more important.

"Christmas shopping?" Kevin tried his expression unreadable.

"No." Connor replied quickly, flinging his scarf back over his shoulder he considered leaving. They were blocking the path, disgruntled shoppers skirting round them.

"I'm just heading back to my apartment," He said quickly as Kevin looked a bit lost at his answer.

"I've got quite a journey left," Kevin smiled uncertainly, "You live close?"

"Same place."

"Haven't moved?"

"Nope."

"It's been a long time."

"Five years and three months."

"Wow," Kevin raised his eyebrows, "That is specific."

"What about you?"

"I moved."

"Oh."

"In with someone else."

"Good."

"Mhm."

Connor stared at the ground his fingers picking at the threads in his pockets. Neither of them had anything to say.

"I'll see you around." Connor muttered before picking up a stray parcel that had dropped out of Kevin's sight. He handed it wordlessly to him and walked straight past Kevin not wanting him to see his face. He knew Kevin would be able to read it. Read the pain, the regret, he needed to get out of there before his emotions took hold of his senses.

Kevin watched the retreating figure, holding his breath until he vanished into the crowds. He could run after him, there was still time, he'd catch up. But instead, Kevin continued to walk in the opposite direction. The taught strand between them had snapped.


	8. Chapter 8

**How black art thou transformed with sin,**

**How strange a guilt gnaws me within.**

* * *

"Connor! Connor! Wake up!"

"Wh-what?"

"Don't scare me like that."

"Sorry."

"Come here, what's wrong?" Kevin leaned over the bed and lay a protective arm across Connor's chest who was on his back staring up at the ceiling. "Hell dream?"

Connor nodded slowly. Kevin sighed heavily and flipped Connor onto his side so he could look at him.

"Again?"

"It's been the first for a few weeks." Kevin noticed that Connor's voice was so quiet, he had to lean in close to hear it from those lips barely moving.

"Was it the same as before?"

"Better than Uganda."

"Well that's something."

There was a silence while Kevin soothed Connor, stroking his thumb over the back of his hand.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Connor shook his head and drew his knees up to his chest allowing Kevin to embrace him. Kevin kissed Connor on the forehead and stayed awake until he felt the breaths come steady and was sure that Connor was asleep. Then he snuggled up closer and allowed his own eyes to drift close, wishing sweet dreams to both of them.


	9. Chapter 9

**Each in his lonely night, each with a ghost.**

**Some share that night. But they know, love grows colder.**

Kevin couldn't sleep. This was nothing new, he often found himself staring at the ceiling, listening to his own infuriating breaths.

He glanced at the flashing red lights of the digital alarm clock. It was just past three. That was early for him.

He swung his legs out of the bed and drifted onto the landing, hoping futiley that getting up would make him tired. Tiptoeing carefully to not disturb anyone in the house, he made his way downstairs.

He could just hear Connor's voice in his head telling him that pouring himself a coffee was a stupid idea but he did it anyway. He almost wanted Connor to be right there next to him to say it. Scold him, get angry, he didn't mind, he just wanted him there.

He glanced upwards at the ceiling, knowing that the bedroom was right above. He was a married man, with children he loved, but it was at times like this that he still felt lonely.

He finished his coffee, guilty licking his lips, knowing that this added at least another hour onto his night time sentence.

He made his way slowly back to the bedroom, prolonging each step as long as he dared. He tried to slip under the covers as quietly as possible but his shifting weight betrayed more than he wanted it to.

"Where did you go?" The thick voice next to him yawned.

"Just a quick walk, sorry."

"Please never leave me."

Kevin blinked at the words, knowing that in the sleep induced state they meant the bed but, to him they meant more.

"I won't, ever, I promise."

He leaned across to place a hand on her arm and kiss his wife on the cheek. His lips barely grazed her skin.

"I love you." She sighed closing her eyes and rolling over.

"I...love you too."


	10. Chapter 10

**In the day he was hidden and dumb, but at nightfall moaned in the shade;**

**I shuddered and gave him his will in the darkness, at light I was afraid.**

* * *

It wasn't the first time Kevin and tried to take Connor's hand before it being slapped away.

"What are you afraid of?" Was his only question, when Connor's neck would spread with a crimson blush and he'd grab his wrist with the other.

"Why aren't you?" Connor would hiss in a harsh whisper, instantly looking over his shoulder.

He hated Kevin's free and easy tone, his relaxed manner, his perpetual grin. Didn't he realise that not only were they displeasing God, but they were putting the whole mission in jeapody? As district leader it was his duty to turn those feelings off...during the day.

"Connor?" Kevin barely moved his lips as he murmured against the dividing wall between their bedrooms. He tapped his fingers gently before waiting for the reply.

Two taps back.

He slid carefully out from the bedsheets, wincing at every slight rustle. He padded softly across the floorboards, avoiding the known creaks and hopping the loose ones.

He opened the door to the living room and stepped inside. The hand around his waist made him gasp at first, but then he relaxed and leant into Connor's touch.

Connor spun him round so they were facing. Kevin could hardly make out Connor's features in the darkness but the pale moonlight lit up his smile and eyes.

Kevin pressed their lips together, allowing his hands to rest on Connor's hips. Connor let Kevin's hands wander places he wouldn't dare to let them during the day. He melted into Kevin's warm touch and came to rest his chin on his shoulder.

"Do we have time?" He whispered, his mouth inches from Kevin's ear.

"Always." Kevin replied before placing one arm round the small of Connor's back and the other under his knees. He hoisted Connor into his arms bridal style, eliciting a small cry from the other elder quickly stifled with a palm. Kevin carried Connor over to the couch and laid him on it reverently.

Sometimes they would just lie curled up together until the small hours of the morning when they'd creep back to bed and pretend the night time outing had never happened.

Tonight Connor just wanted to curl up into a ball and have Kevin put his strong arms around him. Kevin waited until Connor's breathing began to steady and he noticed his eyelids still. Once he was certain he'd fallen asleep Kevin would hold him tighter, nestle his face in Connor's soft hair, and fall into that sleep too.

They'd dream together until it was time to wake, sneak back to their separate bedrooms, and pretend that none of this was real. To other eyes, none of it was true.


	11. Chapter 11

**Blushes that bin,**

**The burnish of no sin,**

**Nor flames of aught too hot within.**

* * *

It was morning and the elders were sitting around breakfast, waiting for Elder McKinley to return with the post.

Connor nearly banged the door off its hinges as he entered, slamming it behind him. He practically threw everyone their letters, almost spilling the milk.

"You ok?" His companion Elder Thomas asked with concern, catching his own package of poptarts before it hit him in the face.

"Yeah fine! Absolutely fine! Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seem a bit..."

"A bit what, Elder?"

"Nothing." Elder Thomas bowed his head. Elder McKinley dumped the last letter on the table and stormed out towards his bedroom. Kevin rose immediately.

"I'll get it."

He pushed Connor's door open carefully, to see Connor's back to him, his body wracked with sobs.

"What happened?" He said alarmed, rushing to Connor's side and holding his shaking shoulders. Connor wordlessly reached into his pocket and tossed a crumpled letter onto the bed beside him.

Kevin unfolded the paper and read the slightly smudged words. "Dismissed", "unacceptable behaviour", "homosexuality", all jumped off the page at him.

"Come on," Kevin said weakly, "We're not even a proper district anyway."

Connor looked up at him through tear stained eyes, his voice was raw.

"I've failed."

"No," Kevin said firmly, "They tried to shut us down, but look who stayed on to lead us anyway. You."

"I've failed myself then."

"How?"

"I've tried to hold us all together here, kept us going, but it doesn't matter. Inside I'm still the same. The same failure."

"Well if you think this," He gestured to the paper, "Makes you a failure, then I think a lot of us here, are failures."

He smiled and leaned in closer to Connor. "Including me."

Connor looked up at him and raised his eyebrows slightly. His red rimmed eyes made Kevin wince. How could they even think about putting Connor through so much pain?

He looked so innocent and pure and before he knew it, he'd pressed their lips together and Connor was kissing back. They tasted salty with tears, but they were soft and responsive. He pulled apart and whispered "Especially me."


	12. Chapter 12

**Perhaps you can write to me.**

**My self posession flares up for a second;**

**This is as I had reckoned.**

Dear Connor,

I miss you.

Is that too cliche to start? Because it's true. The new leader is different, nice, but different. I guess I'm a bit biased. Arnold likes him, but then again, Arnold likes everybody.

I know you had to leave when you did, and it's not your fault, but I still blame myself sometimes.

Maybe if I hadn't been involved in the whole thing you would still be here. I'm sorry.

He's in your room. The new elder I mean. I remember those nights when I'd silently join you and we'd just sit, together. We didn't need to say anything, the words weren't important.

His name's Elder Elliot. I know. It's stupid. Well, not really but forgive me for trying to find things wrong with him.

He's actually a pretty good leader if I'm honest. He's not you of course, but he's ok.

You've been away for ages and I haven't heard anything. It's ok for you to write you know. You can write more than once a month if you want, or at all, just anything. We haven't moved. The address is still the same.

I need to see you again, I'm forgetting your face.

All my love,

Kevin.

Dear Kevin,

I'm sorry for not writing sooner. There are some things I need to forget and I've been thinking about it a long time. Those things are Uganda and, well, you.

It wasn't easy to come home from my mission early. I was pretty much an outcast among my own family.

It's not your fault, but I still sometimes wonder if maybe we'd never happened, I would still be there.

I should've learned to keep my mouth shut. I always knew there was a reason for keeping the feelings inside, and I guess this is it. Excommunication from the church for tempting one of my missionaries into sin. I took the blame, I don't mind. I didn't want to ruin your life as well when just one would satisfy them.

So don't write anymore Kevin. It's hard I know but just forget me and I'm going to try my best to forget you.

I'm going to disappear from your life. Please don't come looking for me.

Yours,

Connor


	13. Chapter 13

**The future cheats us from afar,**

**Nor can we be what we recall,**

**Nor dare we think on what we are.**

"Well what do you want me to do about it?"

"Please don't shout Kev."

"I asked you a question!"

"Kevin please."

Connor bit his lip to stop his voice tembling, his eyes were wide in shock at the livid expression on Kevin's face. His eyes were wild and his jaw was set. He'd never seen him this angry.

Well that was lie. He'd never thought he'd ever see Kevin this angry. A year into marriage it felt like love was never ending. Two years and there was still something special. Five and they renewed their vows. Ten was getting harder. Fifteen harder still. Twenty years was a long time to keep love fresh.

The thing was, two young men caught up in a fast paced whirlwind romance, confined to two tiny rooms and the thin wall in between, spiced and fevered by the Ugandan heat, would not have lasted any where else.

"You always blame me for everything." Kevin said sullenly, turning his back on his husband. Connor moved closer to him and sighed.

"Stop sighing! I'm so fed up with your sighing!"

"Kevin I can't help the way I feel."

"Well how do you feel about me?"

"You always turn this on yourself."

"And there you go sighing again!"

The tension was thick in the air between them, the space growing wider and wider apart. Connor couldn't even remember what they were fighting about, he never could. Someone said something, or rather didn't, and the next thing they were both shouting at each other in a row that would make the neighbours blush. It used to be something they could solve with time apart, or even make up sex, but now it was becoming more difficult to handle.

"I thought you'd stop being a child eventually," Connor said to Kevin's back, "I used to think it was charming but now it just irritates the hell out of me."

"And you can never take a joke, you just look down on me like you're better than me. All the time. In front of other people too. I'm sorry that I'm a jealous person, I'm sorry that I'm too flawed for your brilliance, you're just making it obvious that I'm just not good enough for you."

"You're ridiculous, I've had enough of this." Connor began to walk up the stairs, not wanting Kevin to see his red eyes and the tears that were beginning to form there. His voice had grown hoarse with anger.

"What do you want Connor? Just tell me what you want!"

"I want…I want a divorce."


End file.
